Friday, February 23, 2007

The finalists

Okay folks, this was hard to narrow down. You are all a bunch of sick weirdoes and I love it. As you may have seen, it was also hard to come up with the right awful chemistry factorial that ensures that the group overall has poor chemistry, but also that any possible combination of actors in two person scenes also is doomed to have zero chemistry. So before I announce the finalists, I'd like to offer up some combinations of actors that were out there that have a glimmer of plausibility to them, which therefore took the entry out of the finals:

Cedric the Entertainer & The Rock

Darlene Cates and Crispin Glover

al pacino and christopher walken

Kathy Bates & Al Pacino

Wil Wheaton and Kathy Griffin

Robin Williams and Dane Cook

R Lee Ermey and Robert DeNiro

OJ Simpson and Arnold Schwarzenegger

Gary Oldman and Clint Howard

Reginald VelJohnson and Emmanuel Lewis
the above entry also included Prince--I hereby announce a movie chemistry doctrine--Prince is the universal solvent. He has enough enigmatic charm to spare that he could be combined with anyone. This doesn't mitigate the fact that he's a lousy actor.

Bronson Pinchot and Sinbad and John Stamos (I wouldn't see this movie, but I could see these three in some kind of 80's nostalgia picture)

This entire entry was so perverse and filled with enough non-actors that I had to rule it out. But I like Seth's moxie.

Seth said...
John Amaechi
Tim Hardaway
Michael Richards
Ant (LCS comedian)

These are of course subjective calls, but so's the contest. The objective part comes in this portion, namely the voting on these 7 finalists. As you will soon see, I many of these entries were relatively subtle, with actors that seem like they might go together (a la Wild Hogs) but the more you think about them, the more wrong the combinations seem. Vote early and often through the end of the Oscars this Sunday. The winner will be announced Monday morning. Also, please note that only entries 2, 5, and 7 participated in the addendum. If none of these entries wins, the highest vote tally among these three will win a movie concession from me.

Here they are:

1. Spencer said...
Bebe Neuwirth
Carrot Top
Kirk Cameron (post-Left Behind)
Ice T

2. shannon said...
Gilbert Gottfried (February 28, 1955)
Forest Whitaker (July 15, 1961)
Billy Bob Thornton (August 4, 1955)
George Lopez (April 23, 1961)

Shannon's fifth entry was Cate Blanchett, whom I think is a least plausible with both Forest Whitaker and Billy Bob Thorton, but the fifth entry doesn't disqualify her initial quartet.

3. Lee said...
Michael Richards
Denzel Washington
Andie MacDowell
Wayne Gretzkie

4. soibois said...
Jeff Foxworthy
Jet Li
Monica Belluci
Charlie Murphy

5. Rennie Harlin's Bitch said...
James Spader
Mike Meyers
Flavor Flav
Val Kilmer

my "5th" man is a woman: Eva long as she's 100% in the same mouth-breather mode she worked so well in 2 Fast 2 Furious.

6. Dano said...
Joel Grey
Tracey Morgan
Tony Jaa
Sandy Duncan

7. Chad said...
Steve Guttenberg
Kenneth Branagh
Spike Lee
Mark Harmon

Dolph Lundgren

Update: Please vote in the comments.

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Blogger Rennie Harlin's Bitch said...

Lee's combo wins my vote.
Michael Richards
Denzel Washington
Andie MacDowell
Wayne Gretzkie

I imagine this movie to be a flagrant, fragrant ripoff of CRASH (the Haggis, not the Cronenberg...though the thought of this crowd in a movie ripping off Cronenberg's CRASH is pretty damned exciting too.)

2:33 PM  
Blogger Kaci said...


6:00 PM  
Blogger soibois said...

I'll go ahead and shamelessly vote for myself, because there's nothing I love more than a good 3-way tie.

9:30 AM  
Blogger James said...

I'm voting for Chad as well. Fantastic list.

1:14 PM  
Blogger shannon said...

im gonna go with this chad dude's list. Has wayne gretzkie been in any movies? I'd like to know for future netflixing.

11:39 PM  
Blogger spentpenny said...

Gotta go with Chad's entry. He's a smarty.

12:41 AM  

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